Bitterness leads to pride

So here I am living in a house with a very prideful man. I knew this going in, yet somehow it doesnt make living with him any easier. I'm not talking about my husband.
Today as he stood up my husband for a breakfast outing, i found myself in an outrage. How dare he! How could he? Why??
Well anyways I began flipping through my Bible. How noble of her, you say? No, I was trying to prove myself right in my anger and see just how much of a detrement to himself he was being by finding it in the Bible. Here I was alone in my thoughts thinking how he wronged us, how much better I am than him. (The apple doesnt fall far from the tree!) I'm all puffed up! I had a glimpse of my own bitterness and pride as I vented to my best friend.
I was noticing something the other day as I sat with my brother. When you hold on to your anger over something, no matter how justified you are in it, your bitterness begins to burn in your heart. Causing strife. That strife pushes you away from the very people you love. But still we sometimes hold on to that. Trying to justify our thinking by saying things like "they had no right to..." Or "I did nothing to deserve...." Or how about "they wont get away with it, because even though I'VE forgiven them, GOD will judge them!"
Oh yeah! Thats just how God wants us to think! *note the sarcasm* so I read a few Bible verses and feel justified in my anger, yet my anger doesnt leave. I'm still mad. I still feel the need to tell him something. I begin to realize that this feeling isnt right. Gods Word tells us a lot about pride and its destruction, about what pride is. In Romans 6:16 it talks about what you put your mind to becomes your master.
What am I putting my mind to? Bitterness? Resentment? Puffed up thinking? Or am I focusing on love? Forgiveness? And believing the best in people? (Heres a hint, its not the last option!) The realization that while someone else made a mistake, I delebrately allowed my mind to wander to a place of bitterness which is far worse than what went on in the first place. I cant be bitter. I cant allow that to become my master! I cant keep a record of wrongs. These things are soul eating parasites!
Just realizing that I can be just as prideful as the Bible warns me about, and being bitter leads to pride. I'm going to try and stay away from it all. Yea I kinda failed miserably this morning, but thank God for a faithful Father who forgives, and washes us clean. Time to replace all the negative thoughts with thankfulness!

Repentance

In a lot of churches the word repentance is a bad word. They think of repentance as souly focusing on how terrible of a person you are and well, that's just not ok. But as I've been looking into it more and more repentance is nessicary for transformation. Jesus preached the love of God but he also preached on repentance. Everwhere he went he told people to turn from their sins. Why doesn't the church speak on this?

Coming from a Baptist background I know the kind of damage it can do to a person to tell them that God doesn't love u for what u do, but simply because He decided to love you. Or you can't do anything good or right, only God can. Its like telling someone they aren't worth anything, then expecting them to be happy about it. God doesn't want you sad, He doesn't want you to hurt. But that focus on repentance leads to a whole lot of hurt. There always needs to be balance. You should speak on repentance, you should help people to see that its by grace we have been saved. BUT don't neglect to tell people that God has formed us and created us for a time such as this. Remind people of Gods great love for them, help them to see their value in the kingdom of God.

Everyone has a purpose for which they were created, some people the foot or the arm of the body of Christ, some the heart some the hands, etc etc. When we see ourselves as worthless and useless we digress to just that. When we see ourselves as perfect and without sin, we become puffed up with pride. We need to be in balance. Accepting that we have sinned, and continue to do so, seeking forgiveness daily, then moving on (not dwelling on our sins because there is no condemnation in those who love Christ) we need to see that there is something for us, something uniquely ours that we can do best because it was a job ceated with us in mind.  I'm saying this because people have been one or the other. And I crave that balance. I wish people when corrected would be corrected with love, not out of anger or jealousy, or pride. I wish I could see the church speaking on both love AND repentance.

But we as Christians ARE the church! So lets live in a way that is Holy and pleasing to God! Build eachother up, encourage eachother, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Remember also to repent when you recognize an area of sin in your life. Dont let that fester and grow, but dont beat yourself up. Just turn away from it. ( Yes easier said than done)
Gods grace is suffecient for us, lets grasp on to that grace and never let go!!

Digging up Treasures

"It will help you to understand Scriptures, if you mark not only what is spoken or written, but of whom or to whom, with what words, at what time, where, to what intent, with what circumstances, considering what goes before and what follows after"- Miles Coverdale

I'm not the most studious person, in fact I'm more likely to just accept what someone says than I am to dig and find answers to uncover the truth. However there have been a few Spirit led diggings I've done throughout my years and those have proven to be some of the most insightful and eye opening experiences I've had. I miss having the oomph to get into the Word of God. Sometimes I need a push to get me there. And more often than not, that push to read my Bible and study it comes in the form of having to prove someone wrong. Sad right? I know. But I found something that both convicted me and excited me at the same  2 Tomothy 2:15- Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

I started reading 2 Timothy a few nights ago and I found out that if I actually paid attention to each verse and tried to understand the meaning in each verse,then I had a LOT of questions. But seeing that in verse 15 it says to "Study" realized its talking about me, and people like me. The ones not too interested in studying. And from experience I know that when I consistantly read the Bible i grow as a person, I grow in understanding, I grow in peace. The only bad thing that comes from it is realizing how bad I am at keeping it up.

My children are children. Duh. But they take what I say at face value. I told my daughter once that my necklace of "fairy dust" was really fairy dust and I was given it by fairies... she believed me. Never doubted. Full on faith. Now I can be a real hypocrite, and here's an example. We don't even do santa clause or tooth fairy. Yet for some reason I thought this was harmeless. When her friends questioned her and my daughter told them that mommy would never lie... well, I was crushed! I immediately told her the truth and apologized and promised never to lie to her again.
My reason for bringing that up is because, first:God is not human, that He should lie. So we can trust Gods Word as absolute truth.

And Second: when we fail to study, we often come to wrong conclusions and therefore have very very skewed perceptions of who God really is. People say they want to know God more, well I do anyways, but if we never study what He is saying our ideas of who God is are limited to a childs understanding with an adults amount of faith, which lets just say is the worst combination you can have.

We need childlike faith, with Solomon like wisdom, and David like faithfulness. Read your Bible carefully. The verses you have known since childhood will stand out if you take a minute to listen to the meaning, find the application, and understand the language it was spoken in.

I pray that everyone who reads this (myself included) will be spurred on to read their Bibles with eyes wide open, that God would grant each of us a good memory to remember what we have already read, and wisdom to see the dots that need to be connected. That our desire to read the Bible would be sparked with a flame that consumes our thoughts and we would be purified by reading His Word and renewing our minds in the process. In Jesus name. God bless you all!

Goodbye 2012!

Even though 2012 was a hard year, I was constantly reminded of how much God loves me. So many times I felt like I didn't deserve God's mercy or grace or love, times I had fallen, but EVERY SINGLE TIME God showed me that He loved me and would not let me go. I have not been perfect, but God has continued to shower me with his love. Giving me my hearts desire. What an amazing love He has for me. I can fail my Father again and again, I have disappointed him many times I'm sure, but over and over again His message to me has been "I will NEVER leave you, NEVER forsake you, I am with you always!" There is no love on earth like that. No spouse no matter how perfect can love you No matter what, No father or mother could love their child No matter what. there are always limits, boundaries that can't be crossed. But not with God. He loves me enough to send his son as a sin offering for me. He loves me enough to not see my sins, but to see the Righteousness of Jesus on me, He loves me enough to save me when I had turned my back on Him. I don't feel worthy of this love. I haven't deserved this love, I cant repay this kind of love. All I can do is thank Him, love him back with all that I can, and do my best to fulfill the two greatest commandments He gave: 1) Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, mind and soul. 2)And Love others as yourself. That I suppose you could say would be my life long/New Years Resolution. psalms 139: Lord you have seen what is in my heart You know all about me... I'm amazed at how well you know me it's far more than I can understand.

His Love is Perfect

Sometimes through trials come the most significant and insightful Words of your life. While this may not be the most significant, it was so profound to me and touched me deeply. I love my husband dearly, he means the world to me. We have a fabulous marriage, and I'm very very blessed to be his wife, that being said though, not every moment is perfect. In one of those less than perfect moments I prayed to God asking Him "God, why are relationships so hard?". I understand that to have a great relationship with your spouse it takes a lot of work and even more patience and understanding. More like all the fruits of the spirit! love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, etc etc. That's not what this is about though. As I prayed I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me answering my silly and kind of obvious question with "because no love is perfect, except mine!"
After I heard that in my mind, I fell asleep and began dreaming. In my dream God was singing (I could not see God but just knew)And God sang to me "Your grace is renewed. Your grace is renewed." behind Him was a choir of angels singing "His Love is Perfect, His love is Perfect" the song was so beautiful that there is no way it could ever be duplicated on earth. I'm not telling this as a bragging thing, but more so as a reminder to myself the tremendous love God has for me. So I can look back when I'm discouraged and feeling like God isn't there, I can remember, His love IS perfect!
What happened next is so typical of us as humans, and as children born in sin. My husband came in to spend time with me, and show me he loved me. I was woken up from a beautiful song, and my husband didn't say everything I wanted him to say. He didn't apologize like I thought he should, he didn't touch me like I wanted him to. His eyes didn't show the compassion that I was expecting, or wanting. So instead of listening to the voice of the Lord, I was angered at my husband. I was irritated that he wasn't living up to his full potential. This was simply a moment of me being so blinded by the log in my eyes that all i could see was wood, and assumed it was my husbands fault.
After a few minutes of a brief argument followed by: "lets forgive each other and start the day over", we made up and then I remembered my dream and my prayer. I shared it with my husband, and things are back to normal with our date night back on the schedule for tonight.
Why cant we be perfect? Why cant we love perfectly? As much as I like to think I love my husband perfectly, reality is that I don't! And I am human, and I make mistakes, and so does my husband. If I want his forgiveness for being overly emotional, or choosing bitterness over gentleness, then I need to forgive his shortcomings as well. No one is perfect, even though I completely believe my husband is perfect for me. Truth is only God's love is perfect!

Faith in your faith? or Faith in God?

First let me say that since having a computer, I'm now completely confused as to how this whole things works. pictures...? How on earth do i get them here?! The right click thing on my mouse isn't working, and now I'm stuck >.<
So on to what I was going to say, a lot of things in my life right now are requiring lots of faith. From health issues with my grandma, to no job for my husband (still), to seemingly nice opportunities in other states, and we really need to know what way to turn. My husband and I set aside a week to really pray, and for part of it we fasted. We don't want to move if that's not God's will, however our situation right now really seems impossible. Is God the God of the impossible? I believe He is, yet my flesh cries out for something simpler, something that maybe we could do on our own without having to depend on God for every.little.thing. But isn't that how He likes it?
As my husband and I struggled with why we don't have a job, and why my grandma's health has been failing even after so many prayers, and why we still have to live in a small 2 bedroom apartment with four little kids to care for, etc etc. Our conversations had somehow turned to the questions of "do we have enough faith?" . Without realizing it, at our care group the leader said something that hit so hard it's been on my mind ever since. He said "it's not about having faith in your amount of faith, it's simply just having faith in God" oh! DUH!!
So all this time I've been thinking to myself, do I have enough faith? Is it enough for _____ to happen? When all along all I needed to do is know that: it's not about trusting my faith to get the job done, it's just about trusting God to get the job done. Okay, maybe I'm the only one realizing this, but I have to say it was a big eye opener!
Since care group that night my husband and I felt strongly that we knew the answer to if we should move or stay. God has us here for a purpose, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can fulfill that purpose. Although to be honest, the grass sure is greener on the other side. But if God is not wanting you to make that decision, or take the step, or make the move, then that grass will soon wither and be scorched with fire.
Just sayin' ;)

Persistence

Right now in my life I would have to say that persistence is one thing I wish would come by me easier than it has been. Persistence, or endurance, or even motivation, would all be very nice if it came gift wrapped with a nice bow on top. Unfortunately it doesn't come like that and more often than it not, those qualities come through hardship, life experience, trial and error, or if your lucky it comes through the persistence of your parents in their ways of raising you. But for those of you who were raised in a more hap-hazard, "go-with-the-flow" kind of life then these qualities are not ones that come by you easily. I've often wondered to myself why I'm not where I thought I was supposed to be in my life. and though I could be wrong, I think a lot of it comes down to my lack of perseverance. my eyes were opened to several examples in the Bible of people who persevered, and didn't give up, and because of that they received what God wanted for them.

First lets look at Joseph:

You could look at his life and say either he had terrible luck, or he had great luck, depending on how you view it. He was thrown in a pit because of a dream he had, he was thrown in jail because of his stand for purity and justness, but then he was made second in command at a very crucial point in time. Through all of it though, he kept his belief, he had a good work ethic, he didn't throw up his hands in despair. He never gave up! However, it took years and years and years of one seemingly hopeless situation after another for him to be put where God wanted him. He kept a good attitude and therefore everyone around him respected him.

Second example would be David:

There was a reason God picked him for king. We all know the tale of David and Goliath. But what if David had been afraid just as his brothers? What if he didn't speak up? He didn't stop at asking questions about why no one would fight Goliath, he didn't simply do his job. He had good work ethics. David did above and beyond what was asked or required of him. David brought food to his brothers in the camp, But tried urging them to do their job in fighting Goliath. (although to no avail)So David took it upon himself to face the giant, and in coming at him in the name of the Lord, David killed Goliath. No fear, No waiting and pondering and wondering, no sitting for days fasting about what to do. David knew what he needed to do, and did it. David went on to become the greatest king in all of Israel.

Third person to look at is Elijah:

Elijah is respected as a great prophet. He did many wonderous signs and miracles in the name of the Lord. At one point a widows son had died and the widow who had been taking care of Elijah (although she was very poor and had nothing in her house but flour and oil) Her son died from sickness. She blamed the man of God for reminding her of her sins and bringing this upon her. Elijah went right away taking the boy and cried out to God. He stretched his body out on the boy and prayed. But Elijah didn't do this just once or twice. He did it three times each time pleading with God to give the boy his life back. This man of God did many many miracles that he only needed to say once for it to come to pass. I don't know if he was surprised about the boys life not returning immediately but usually his words came to pass right away. He didn't give up in asking God until God listened to him and it was granted.

One last example and I will leave you to your thoughts:

Just after God revives the life of the widows son, [1 Kings chapter 17, 18]God spoke to Elijah telling him that rain would soon be coming and to present himself to king Ahab (who had been seeking Elijahs life). So Elijah, unafraid Went before kind Ahab and told him to send the prophets of Baal to build an alter. Elijah mocked the prophets as they chanted and danced but their god could produce no fire. After Elijah had prayed for the peoples hearts to be turned back to the One True God, Elijah built his alter to God filling it with water and of course God sent down fire so hot that it even burned the stones! Well God had promised rain. Elijah full of faith believed God, and told king Ahab to go get food because rain would be coming. Elijah goes up Mount Carmel to pray for rain. Stop right there! God had promised rain, why is Elijah now on his hands and knees praying for it? Elijah sends his servant to look over the mountain for any sign of rain. Nothing. Elijah gets down on his hands and knees again. sends his servant up again to see any sign of rain. Still nothing. Elijah doesn't get discouraged. he doesn't stop at three times. And he doesn't stop praying until he sees the cloud. Is that what God wants from us? to not stop asking until we receive what He has promised? It's not until Elijah has sent his servant (and had bowed on his hands and knees to pray) Seven times that finally the servant reports that he see's a small cloud. Remember that God had promised rain to Elijah, So why didn't Elijah just "walk in faith" and "believe" God for the rain? ... No Elijah did something about it, and didn't relent until the promise was fulfilled! Elijah beseeched God seven times for rain. No giving up, no waiting, no just walking around knowing it will happen. Elijah PRAYED.

Now when hardships, trials, unemployment, failing marriages, poor health and anything else comes your way, if God has promised you something different from what you have, don't just wait. PRAY! don't just believe, pray! and don't just pray, DO!!!!