from bad to worse, to God's mercy

This day has been quite the trying day! I think I'm overly sensitive or something today, and my husband is too... maybe it's the full moon. but one argument about stupid things after another, getting more and more heated as the day wears on. We had a birthday party for our sons best friend to go to at 5. by 5:30 i was seconds away from texting her and letting her know we couldn't make it. but as it would turn out God had a plan. i didn't want to go because I was in a bad mood by then, and my husband was in the same boat. But when we got there the people welcomed us in with loving arms. In fact the whole place, and atmosphere reminded me of home. The home i remember fondly. The people the way they talked their culture was my culture. I've not been able to quite fit in as nicely with my husbands family as i like, still lost on how to play their game. Saying the wrong things at the wrong time. Something about this family was so familiar with my own that i could dive right in as if I already belonged to the family. I connected with the people there and genuinely enjoyed myself. I don't know if God was using me to help or be there for others, or if He was using others to help and be their for me, either way I was humbled by the fact that after a day of yelling and bickering and quite honestly, not walking in love, God still did not leave me. After the party as my husband and i were putting the children in the car, I looked up at him and asked "are we ok?". Though it had been a rough day emotionally for the two of us, this party was a relief. It helped us to forget our differences, remember that we are a family, and remember why we work so well together. I know that this was something God wanted us to attend, but surely satan was trying to keep us from going. I'm thankful to God for His mercy, and His grace! Where would I be without it? tonight is a peaceful night, with happy hugs and affectionate pats. Not silent glares and slamming doors. I'm trying to get the point across that God didn't leave me, even when i covered myself in sin and anger. There's a verse in the Bible that says "be angry and sin not" ... I think I ignored the "sin not" part. I was angry and vengeful, why would God still choose to help me? That party was a bit of home to me. Anyways, I am thankful for all this. Thankful for the chance to see how merciful God is, how Loving God is, and how God will still turn the worst of days into a good day! just thought I would share that tidbit.

Meaningless superstition? Or a god in your life?

I just saw something the other day that said that archeoligist found that the Tower of Babel did indeed get finished. Its final height was just over 300 feet. Inside the tower was a room devoted to the gods of the time, and apparently the gods of ths tiime too! They were the common astrology symbols all in one room. Those gods have been around since before jesus came to earth! But that's not so big a deal, there are lots of things like that, but what worries me is the amount of Christians who see astrology as something like that of an old wives tale. They don't take it serious. These are powerless gods who have been around for a very very long time, but as christians when we participate in the things of other gods where are we giving our loyalty?
1 Timothy 1:4, 6 NIV

or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God's work—which is by faith. Some have departed from these and have turned to meaningless talk.

I am showing you that because you've probably said "its not a big deal." But that meaningless thing:checking your horoscope, or proudly claiming yourself as a:... Gemini, Cancer etc etc is participating in the rituals that the pagens did to their gods... The same gods you are identifying yourself with!
Ephesians 6:12 NIV

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Romans 12:2 NIV

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Our thoughts determine what kind of life we live! It will decide our attitude, our actions,it will effect our friends and it will effect the war that's being waged agains our soul. If you want God to move in your life, get rid of the other gods occupying your thoughts. Its not as minor as you are making it out to be. These are strongholds that keep you in the dark. And really if its not that big of a deal, if it really is something minor like we often tell ourselves, then it shouldn't be such a sacrifice to get rid of it. Nothing good comes from reading your horoscope! But everything good comes from reading Gods word!

I hope you see the importance of this. A few years ago I had to make the decision to not read my horoscope, and I thought it wasn't a big deal at the time but knew I needed to... Turns out it was a lot harder to resist the temptation than I anticipated. Seeing the gemini notifications in my inbox, or friends posting theirs on fb. Eventually I was able to overcome the desires. I am freer now because of it.
But. Look at Gods word, does it say anything about allowing those kind of thoughts? Check yourself, and check Gods word. Ask God to reveal the truth about astrology to you.

Hope this sheds a bit of light on the subject :)

Battle Cry

In sorrow I'll still smile,
In fear I'll still laugh,
In anger I will be a light
I'll shine out the darkness of wrath.

With boldness I'll bring hope,
With courage I'll carry peace,
With power I'll fight and win,
Being no longer held by a leash.

All chains have been broken,
To bring the love of Jesus to the hopeless

All burdens have been lifted,
The gold has been sifted.
To the top we rise
To our calling we move,
To our flesh we die,
To the hurting we bring truth.

No weapon has been fashioned
In steel or in spirit
That can stand against Gods Word
And those who really hear it.

Into the battelfield we march,
Into the darkness we shine,
And to the lifeless...
We bring life.

My commitment is this:
To stand and not back down,
To run and not be weary,
Because in everything I do,
My God and Savior is always near me!

More love = Greater reward = More of God.

I've had a hard time with the verse that says to store up for yourselves treasures in heaven in Matthew 6:20, because if I do something nice for someone, either its just for them, to make them happy or help them, or its for God. I don't want it to be selfish and do it so I can have a bigger mansion, or prettier windows in heaven. So that verse has always perplexed me. How do I store up treasures and still make God happy? Maaybe this is my up bringing shining through on this. But I really want to do something just for God and not with some ulterior motive of greater riches in eternity.
That being said, last night at care group, our care group leader pointed something out that finally made sense to me. Read below.

Matthew 5:46 NIV

If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?

Matthew 6:20-21 NIV

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Genesis 15:1 NIV

After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision:
"Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward."

Love= Reward= More of God.

Basically God is our reward. More of God, more knowledge and understanding of God. Now every one has different views on this I'm sure, but for me, I felt like, there is no greater treasure than to experience God Himself, and I will be glad to store up the treasure of more of God because I know he wants one ness with me.
I don't have a greek or hebrew understanding, so maybe treasure meant literal treasure, or reward means treasure. I don't know. When those verses were put together that way it shed light on something that placed a desire to REALLY store up treasure. I want more of God. In my life here and in heaven. And if giving to the poor, and feeding the homeless means I receive more of the greatest relationship in my life, I'm all for it!

Respect: To the Ladies

1 Peter 3:6 MSG
Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.

I'm not about to get up and say Ive got this figured out, or that Im good at this, so dont think Im trying to preach. Well maybe I am... but to myself more than anything.
In our society I've noticed things are a bit backwards in the roles and relationship between a husband and wife. Women have begun to demand respect from their husband, yet lack in giving respect to them. Instead women have been Loving their husbands (and of course this is great!) But have almost completely elliminated respect from the relationship. WhileIve seen the men giving respect to the women, placing their opinions as greater than their own, taking their advice (at least while they are being watched) and in general submitting themselves to their wife.
I'm on a journey to discovering what true respect is. I have been shown a great deal of respect from my Husband, and I love it. He values what I have to say, taking my opinion into consideration. He respects my body. He doesn't demand from me what I don't want to give. He respects my food choices however absurd they can be sometimes, and will buy me what I like. I love being respected. I love that he can admit when Im right and he's wrong (who wouldn't?!) But am I doing what God called me to do as a wife? Am I respecting him?
Here are a few things that I notice a LOT of women doing that are disrespectful:
1: Complaining about their husband to their friends.
2: Ignoring what their husband asks and does what they want instead.
3: Nagging. Example: he said he would take the trash out hours ago, so u complain at him for not taking it out, getting irritated because after saying he will still do it, it still hasnt been done, keep bugging him about it until he gets angry and refuses, or takes it out just to shut you up.
4: Arguing with him in front of other people. (There is a time and place for disagreements, but when you are around other people dont disrespect him by making him look bad by having an unruly wife, somethings cant wait to be discussed, thats when the two of you excuse yourself and discuss it in private)
5: Holding grudges. Example: he did something wrong last week, maybe hurt you by saying something he shouldnt have, or maybe he looked at porn. So you deny him your body. You dont sleep with him because he hasnt earned the right.

Ephesians 5:24 MSG
So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Okay, so there are 5 examples that I see happening all the time. I've been guilty sometimes, but Im actively working at changing that.
Respect should not just be given when its demanded. And though respect is really hard to give when you cant find a reason to respect your husband, it doesn't mean you are off the hook.
1 Peter 3:1-4 NIV
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
Don't go on a theological debate about wether or not we should wear makeup, or nice clothes.
This verse is about being beautiful on the inside, so much that your husband is completely in love with who you really are, not how you look. Because like it or not, LOOKS always faid! And if you want your husband to love you forever, make sure your beauty is the kind that lasts forever! This kind of beauty is enhanced by our respect for our husband. Just like we like being respected. We dont want our husbands laughing at our expense to their buddies, we shouldnt either.
Women talk... women talk about other people, its our natural tendancy (in general), but complaining about our husbands, or how "he always say's he's going to do ____ for me, but never does" or "he's so crude when hes around his friends it's disgusting" how about "he said _____ to me last night, he's such a jerk! I dont deserve to be treated like that!"

Think about it, check the motive of what you are telling your friends. Are you slandering him behind his back? Sometimes we need to get it off our chest. We need to talk. But check your motives first. And even still, when things are at its worst, try to find at least one positive thing about your husband that you can share.

Oh! And dont tell everyone! One or two good friends that will pray with you or give you Godly counsel is fine, but don't tell all your girlfriends.

Now I was given a book about how to respect your husband, written by a lady who had a very "grandma" hair cut, long dress, with no skin showing. She wore simple pearl earrings and almost no makeup. I couldnt finish the book. It's not me at all. I wear makeup, i dont think i should be someones doormat, im opinionated, I wear sexy outfits for my husband when he comes home. I speak up and I like to debate! I'm not naturally submissive!! Im not a quiet church mouse. For me... submitting and respecting my husband are not easy. But if I can manage... I think you can too... come to think of it, maybe my husband should have written this. Lol. He would be able to tell you the do's and don'ts. Take a few tips from here, and apply it. See if your attitude changes towards your husband, and if his changes towards you.
We are all Gods creation, we are all loved by God, we are called to love others and Christ did. And Divorce is caused by a hardened heart. So pray that your heart would be changed and moved to be open to your husband, and his too.
Dont let lack of respect for your husband push him to hide things from you.
And I will be revisiting this to read it myself when i need to, I'm sure. No one is perfect! But lets all try to do our part in our marriages!

Daniels and Elijahs part 2

Daniel, a man who God regarded as very precious, a man who was given visions so mighty that he lost his own strength, a man who God trusted to obey every Word He Divinely spoke. A prophet of His time, very highly respected. In a place of authority at his job, and this was one man that faced opposition on everyside. But he did not waver, he did not back down, and he did not cower in fear. I was going to take one particular event thats written in Daniel and use it to make my point, but everything is so amazing, that i couldnt just take one thing.

The first thing that i wanted to point out, or draw attention to, is the beginning of the book. First: he's strong, wise, skilled... and good looking. He is chosen by the king in order that whats written in Isaiah 39:7 would be fulfilled. (I noticed that it doesnt actually say what the kings actual intent was in bringing these boys in for training) So he is brought in and placed in front of him are meats and wines, things that as we know, smell amazing! However great this temptation might have been, he decided that regardless of what their rules were, he was not going to eat the foods that according to Moses' Law would defile his body. That's such a great act of boldness for the sacrifice of doing what's right! He put his faith to his words! He told the prince of the eunichs that was guard over them that he and his servants would prove to be wiser in better health, and look better eating the foods which would not defile them.

So a test was set up, and of course Gods Chosen four were healthier/wiser/better looking at the end of the ten days. This act of boldness from Daniel was one that I admire. Instead of looking around at his peers he stood up for what he believed and he knew God's way is far better then man's ways. But at the end of the trial, God blessed him with an extaordinary gift of visions and the interpertation of visions and dreams. But it took an act of boldness and sacrifice before he recieved that.
The other thing i wanted to point out was later on in Daniels life he is the wisest and most favored man in the Kingdom, and at the time the king was thinking of putting Daniel in charge of the other princes in the kingdom because Daniel was wiser than any of the others, so to keep their position of power, the other princes conspired against Daniel to get him thrown in the Lions Den. (Sound familiar?)

Soo they get the king to sign a decree stating there will be no prayers made to anyone but the king for 30 days, or they will be cast into a den of lions. In my carnal mind, I wonder if I would ever be as faithful and bold as Daniel is in this situation... I hope so. Daniel doesnt seem moved bythis at all. Instead, he continues as he always has, praying on his knees 3 times a day in front of an OPEN window!
I think to myself, how hard would it have been to keep the window shut for just that month? But Daniel had strength and courage, and didnt change a thing! Even in the face of death! He trusted God, just as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego when faced with a furnace said : our God will save us, but even if He chooses not to, we will never bow to any one but Him. A willingness to sacrifice their lives in order to do whats right. Each of these men knew the consequences if they didnt follow the law of the land, but that did not deter them.

In each case, these men were exalted for standing up... did it go to their head? Did they said "yea, im so good, i dont do what they do, look how good i am at following God's law". No! they were humble. Daniel repeatedly tells the king "it is not I who tells you the meanings of these dreams, but the God of all who has shown me". That kind of humilty is so rare these days! Almost unheard of actually. Even amongst preachers and self proclaimed prophets. They say things acting on their own opinion and boasting of the gifts they are given. God loves the humble! Read a couple of proverbs and you are given many examples of what happens to the proud. It's become a disease in America. Everyone walking around boasting about their great deeds. Even in the church, people boasting of what they fast and how hard it is, Jesus had a name for people like this...

Anyways, this could easily turn into a book, so I think i will stop with this. But if anyone is looking for an exciting book in the Bible, Daniel is one of the great ones! This book has helped me place my priorities in the right place. I want to be like Daniel... I'm far from it now, but I wont stay the same forever. God doesnt let me. Haha.
God bless you, and I hope this was at least entertaining :)

an Old poem I wanted to share

In anger I curse and fight against the Pure protection of my Heavenly Father,
I fight back and pull away, I allow myself to fall into sin.
When at last i see the pathetic state that I have put myself in I cry out to His mercy.
Again and again I fall into this place of separation. Why do I let myself walk this road of death?
if I could grasp the Call on my life, if I could see what awaits my obedience,
but i can, I have seen a glimpse of What my Christ has set apart for me to do.
Others.. on one side, Awaiting my obedience... and in my selfish moment I still fall
How many times will My father keep picking me back up? I wish to tell him, I am not worthy!!
I wish I could say, don't pick me up again, I do not deserve your love...
But I know that I am called. I know that I am chosen.
What can I do, what can I say to prove my worth, in this unworthy state?
Again and again, I seek His mercy and Grace,
to lift me from the ashes, the cleanse me from this unholy place.
I wish to say I will not fail, but the words never proceed out of my mouth for fear of not holding my own commitment
I dare not make a promise I might not keep. but it holds me back. Have I done as you have asked my Father?
Did I go when you sent me? sometimes it all seems unclear.
the fog is still holding me back from seeing as I wish. is it really all white and black?
I feel like i live in the gray, somewhere between where I'm meant to be, and where I was.
hope doesn't pull me along as i had wanted.
Joy only holds for a time.
Peace is around me, but I still feel immobilized.
Fear? is that what holds me back? is that why I fail? is that what keeps me down?
if I were fearless I'd fight and win. I'd jump in the icy waters of death to save the lost from their selves
If I were fearless.... Would i know when to stop? would I still sense the pain and sufferings, and their own fears
Would I have compassion for the wounded in my path? or would my fearlessness run them over?
I search so much, and see riddles unexplained. Can I trust a single man to tell me these things?
for what is man? who is perfect? who has the mind of God, Who knows the words of which he spoke before time began?
Can you say your sight into His riddles are un clouded? or do you mask the fog just as I do?
is it fear that clouds my perception? ... one day I'll see His perfect Will... and now I seek again the hand of my father!!!